Posted by Joyce on March 24, 2009 under Busy Parents, Cyberbullies, Parents, Teens | 
My good friend and teen expert - (yes, she’s the young and pretty one!) Vanessa Van Petten weighs in on our “Are You Raising A Cyberbully?” series. She’s the teen author of the parenting book “You’re Grounded!” She writes a parenting blog along with 12 other teen writers from the kid’s perspective to help parents. Her work as a young family peacemaker have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Teen Vogue, Fox 5, CBS 4 and much more!
Check Out Her Blog Here!
Here’s her opinion today:
Here are a few ways I think adults and parents should approach the new threat of cyberbullying online.
1) Teach Your Children What Cyberbullying Is:
First go over my original post and then talk about the lingo. Many times kids get involved in cyberbullying incidents and have no idea it goes on with other students and that it is wrong.
Impersonation: Pretending to me someone else online by sending messages, posting material, or contacting other people under another person’s name or image.
Flaming: Online fights using electronic messages such as IM’s, emails, chat comments or posts. They usually include angry and inappropriate language.
Reporting: Sharing someone’s embarassing images, secrets or private information online.
Cyber Harassment: Repeatedly sending or receiving nasty, mean and insulting messages.
Denigration: Insulting someone online by spreading gossip, rumors or posting pictures to damage their feelings, relationships or reputation.
Tricking: Tricking someone into revealing secrets or private info in a undisclosed public forum and/or revealing it other places online.
Exclusionary: Purposefully leaving people out of an online group or forum
Stalking: Repeated following or messaging.
2) Protect Your Child’s Online Reputation by setting up an RSS to their name or reporting threats to the websites they belong to. I will be releasing an ebook in the coming weeks about how to set-up a online reputation defender online.
A child should never be threatened online, they need to be aware of the threats that are flung from friends as well as strangers and they should report anything that makes them feel uncomfortable!
3) Watch Over Their Shoulder Here are some parental control softwares I like and often recommend to the families I mentor. You might want to seriously consider installing these on your home computers. I have picked a good selection below ranging from very invasive to light monitoring.
SpectorSoft This one has lots of different plans to choose from and for all different kinds of computers. I like it because if you are not computer savvy then you can call them anytime. I put this on one of my clients computers and it worked well.
PC Tattletale This one is the most comprehensive one I have ever seen. It really covers everything your child could be doing everything from blocking keywords, to email monitoring, to MySpace monitoring to keystroke records, time usage…
Safe Eyes For PCs and Macs, this has been featured in a lot of media campaigns on Internet Safety.
KidsNet Featured on ABC, this software is very simple and easy to use. They also have some bonus material about how to teach your kids about online safety as well as watching them.
4) Make Sure They Are Not A CyberBully
Bullies: People who actually do the harassing and demean or harm others.
Targets or Victims: Those who receive the insults
Enablers: Those who encourage and support the bullies who are harassing other
Harmful Bystanders: Those who know that bullying is going on, but do nothing about it.
Helpful Bystanders: Those who know bullying is going on and report it.
5) Watch for Signs of Victimization:
I think parents should always watch for changes in their children that might have to do with online relationships.
-depression, anger, sadness that is out of the ordinary
-change of behavior after internet usage
-sudden sharp increase or decrease of internet usage
-avoidance of friends, school, activities or hobbies
-decline in grades
6) Tell Them How to Stop CyberBullies:
Save the evidence, do not retaliate, file a complaint on the website, contact and adult. You can also contact the school or the bully’s parent if you know who it is. In more serious cases you can contact a lawyer or the police and file a report.
Awareness and compassion is the key, keep the communication open with your kids so they always feel they have support!
Read More Click Here
Posted by Joyce on March 17, 2009 under Cyberbullies |
The Internet has changed the playground-bully into the in-my-bedroom-bully. It’s true, the line between school life and home life is gone. Kids can no longer leave the social pressures, cliques, bullies, snoodiness and the other highlights of adolescence at school.
Now the social scene follows students home, into their bedrooms, and can be turned on at any moment. No, in fact it is never turned off, because you never know who is going to post something mean on your wall next. Here, I want to give a brief overview of how bullying has changed for the net-generation so parents are more equipped to handle it and help their kids deal with it. Today, bullying/cyberbullying is:
1) Creative
Options for a bully circa 1980:
-steal lunch money
-call someone names/say mean things to their face
-call someone names/say mean things behind their back
-punch them in the face/kick them/pinch them/ physically assault them
-punch them in the face/kick them/pinch them/ physically assault their friend or usually younger, relative.
-write a nasty note and pass it around class, leave it on their locker
-stick your tongue out at them
Options for a bully today: (just from the news stories I found on bullying alone, I could think of many more that have not been reported on)
“” Everything from above, plus
-write a nasty note or rumor on their facebook wall for everyone to see
-put up embarrassing pictures of the person on your school’s social network
-digitally impose the person’s head onto a naked body and pass it around like it is real
-submit their name/picture to a site like “Hot or Not” for strangers to rate how ugly the person is
-create a website dedicated to how much you hate that person
-bate them into writing a mean/weird IM chat and post it all over MySpace or the school.
-Create a fake user, pretend to be hot, flirt with the person and then break up with them/tell them you hate them/ tell them they are too ugly for you.
-Send mean text messages
-harass their avatars or video game players on gaming websites
It is incredibly sad, but the Internet has brought thousands of ways to bully someone without ever being caught. Parents need to know that their child could be bullied in a number of ways online, through phones and even through video games.
2) Instant
Before, if you got in a fight at school, or found out you were not invited to a party, you were able to come home and vent about to mom/ dad/ sister/ brother, get a snack and cool off. Now, if you are mad at someone, you can instantly send a text message to your social networking profile to post a mean comment. Now there is no ‘off’ time and the second something happens, everyone knows about it because they all get alerts or texts from automated news feeds or plugged-in friends. Teens are checking these services CONSTANTLY, so before what took a few days to spread, now can take a few minutes.
3) Permanent
Some things, like postings on your wall, video, a text message or email, you can delete. Other things, such as photos or social network announcements can be up there forever or until the writer removes them.
Also, even if they post a superimposed picture for five minutes on a school network before it is removed, others can easily download it and repost it or pass it around by email undetected—and as with all gossip, even the most factless based rumors hurt a reputation.
4) Accessible
The whole point of many social networks, texting and websites is to be connected to people you would not normally be connected to. I always say that ‘privacy settings’ should really be called ‘lace curtain settings’ because you never know who is going to get into your profile the back way (MySpace Pedophiles). Before, nerds, jocks or drama queens went to different parties and traveled in different circles. Now, the ‘great connector that is the Internet makes everyone’s personal information and attention accessible on the same sites.
5) Cool
The more popular kids have always made fun of the ‘uncool’ kids, but now bullying is easily made ‘fun’ for everyone. At Juicy Campus, a website all about spreading gossip and rumors, or Hot or Not.com, users can vote on the attractiveness of submitted pictures and make students who would not normally ‘bully’ or gossip attracted to the idea. Hot or Not makes it cool and fun to judge people based on their appearence and is very popular with my generation.
Even Gangs are now using Social Networking Sites to recruit and organize activities…seriously.
6) Buffered
It is really hard to walk up to someone and say to them: “You are a fat slut.” It is much easier to write that on someone’s Facebook wall—which someone did. Technology provides a way for students to be mean even more ‘behind the back.’ Many times, you can even post pictures, videos or send messages anonymously! This has changed the face of bullying because it allows people to be mean and not face the consequences—they can’t get punched back, they can hide it from parents and teachers by posting anonymously and do not have to say it to people, they can simply type a comment in a moment of passion when they are alone in their room!
7) Boredom
Many teens and pre-teens (not all) like drama. Especially kids aged 11-14. I think this can be the meanest age. Many times kids are online or chatting and they get bored so they decide to “stalk someone from school,” or “check-out so and so’s profile” or “go bother that kid from camp.” It might start off harmless enough, but then it usually can get out of hand when other bored kids begin to chime in.
It is really important to talk about these new aspects of bullying. I bring these issues up with all of the kids I mentor and teen groups I speak to. Make sure to discuss with them the ramifications of letting a friend take a sexy picture, disabling the Facebook wall or what would happen if they got in a fight with a friend.
Also give them resources if they know another student is being bullied. With the recent school shootings, it is important for kids to have a place to anonymously report bullying of any kind. They can do this at: ancomm.com.
by Vanessa Van Petten is the teen author of the parenting book “You’re Grounded!” She writes a parenting blog along with 12 other teen writers from the kid’s perspective to help parents. Her work as a young family peacemaker have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Teen Vogue, Fox 5, CBS 4 and much more!
< a href="http://www.OnTeensToday.com"> Radical Parenting
Posted by Joyce on under Cyberbullies |
Someone parents a cyberbully every 15 seconds……..
It sounds like a drug free America commercial, doesn’t it? These are just my statistics – pure guesswork.
I had a Mom come tell me that her “perfect” daughter was caught TEXTING until 2 in the morning on school nights. The teen, from a strict set of parents, was forbidden to talk to boys after 5pm on the phone. What she was doing was quietly texting them until 2am with all kinds of tantalizing “requests.” Interspersed between suggestive notes were vicious messages she would send to a few girls she knew of at school that she disliked.
“Should I take her phone away?” was the mother’s question to me.
I hesitated as I thought about the ramifications of my real answer…..
Click Here to Read More at Radical Parenting
